Aug 21, 2017
When "bullshit" appears in the synopsis, you know you're in for some crude words, so I'm kinda iffy on whether you should have the warning. (Alternatively there is the "adult" setting, if you dare go that far.)
Your execution of that contradiction (around that separating line) is commendable, but I get the feeling you either struggled or tried too hard to be intimate with the characters. I know it's only the first chapter, but it's risky to omit too much too early. Doing it in the first chapter can distract your reader from more necessary setup things...
For example, you can't determine the gender of the one narrating this chapter (I get a feeling they're meant to be straight female, but it's too ambiguous to tell), which is a double-edged sword in that the reader has no sense of the couple's dynamics on a societal scale (an example of what I mean is "same-sex couples have higher societal pressure on them to hide their relationship"), but on the other hand, you'll be able to capture a larger audience. It depends on what you want. (If you want to think about that "societal scale" thing, there's the literary ideas of "macro-", "meso-" and "microsetting" you might want to consider - Google 'em.)
Also, it's mostly dialogue. Normally when people talk, they fidget, they do things simultaneously, their gaze wanders...that sort of thing.
If you didn't know already, Honeyfeed currently doesn't have italics. This means you need to separate your thought from your speech somehow.
