Jun 19, 2017
Sorry if you get offended at this because I know this story is meant to be parodic (it lacks the "random" tag/Honeyfeed has no "parody" tag and I've been scolded for my harshness in reviews before), but even though I'm everything Yuusuke is in regards to listed attributes, there's no way to get invested with this story until a certain point (skip to final sentence of the review for tl;dr ver., because this is an essay-length review).
First you preface the story with 3 chapters of content you admit readers can skip - while the "characters" chapter is fine and all if you demonstrate how your characters are such in the story, I started losing interest the moment "Hirigaya Kazuto" came up - that's too obvious a parody.
When I got to the non-skippable stuff, Yuusuke narrates too fast for me to keep up with (he only gets to a manageable pace by the chapter "Insert Command"), and his banter isn't funny. It's dynamic, but it's eyeroll-inducing. Although Yuusuke pokes fun at cliches, I don't see any reason to like the guy because he's all tell, no show and on top of that I cannot imagine the characters doing what you tell me they're doing even though you've given me descriptions in the "characters" chapter.
I went as far as reading bits of each of your works to compare, and while this style fits "I Can Read Your Mind..." (which is decent) and you adjusted your writing style for "Beyond the Horizon...", this style doesn't fit this story until the chapter "Insert Command", where most of the problems of the previous chapters disappear. After you've cut to the chase, your story (and by extension, you) become enough to gain my attention...you should've just done that from ch 1 [insert lame "Senpai noticed me!" joke here].
