Aug 30, 2021
To:DonOfTomorrow
Sure! by the way, for someone getting into it, you've done a decent job; Much better than what my writing was like when I started. So, it would typically come down to things like word choices. Of course, it's a matter of preference in some cases too! Glancing through it again, it's pockets that could use a brush-up. So, I'll take this particular piece towards the end.
With each metallic step she took on the pristine tiles, echoes filled the castle marble walls. Through the massive chamber were golden pillars spanning toward the other end. Had such a place been on earth, one could assume it was the 9th wonder of the world. While Leon took this in, a mischievous smile crept along his face while listening to the droning echoes.
(Insert dialogue)
That's just an example, but otherwise how it was written prior still served its purpose. Also, there's an element of "show, don't tell" with his smile, giving the impression that he wanted to holler or what-not! Hope this gave you an idea! It's the small things that make a difference. Keep it up!
