Jul 14, 2021
All ready!
There are a few things to unpack, but first I'd like to note there was a particular charm about the character's painstaking observation. And you killed me with the metric system! I caught myself having google to convert cm to in. I think it has an interesting world to offer! xD
The exposition wasn't as heavy as I thought it would be, but I felt like the monologue greatly overshadowed the scenes at play. If I had to imagine everything done in a manga adaptation, it would be a lot of the square boxes. For ease of read, I suggest breaking your paragraphs down to something a bit more bite-sized. I did notice some reiterations of the same things, referring to age being one of them.
Seeing quotations mixed into an entire column of dialogue may be jarring for some. As a result, I nearly lost attention. Although if you formatted it as such, it would give the impression of a longer chapter.
