Don't have an account?
Already a Honeyfeed member?
A self-published author of "The Guardian of Hope."
Drafts available, up until Chapter 28~ Links below for the paperback and ebook~
Follow me on IG: erii1776 Find me on Discord: Erii#5151
What is an Achievement?
Jun 17, 2022
I had to drop this a third of the way through...
So... I have to say there is an issue with the very repetitive nature of your writing. I know its in first perspective and I can't help but realize how I notice you start your sentences with "I". I think it creates a bit of a droning effect. Like a few others I've read there seems to be a lack of formatting and its rather wordy.
To:Matthew Adman
You never explicitly said the sky. What woukd've made sense is if you said they decided to EMP the entire continent. Those are vastly diffeeent context, y'know. Reread what you wrote~
Otherwise if its full on boom-boom, bang-bang, America alone has half the nuclear stock pile. I doubt its effects would be contained in a single part of the world, and much of what I understand points to that. If that's the narrative you're running with who am I to temper that reality? 🤷♂️
Again. The chapter is of pretty good quality. The tendency to over-emphasize something, while great, isn't always necessary. The setting seems consistent throughout. Allow the reader to use their imagination through the atmosphere.
I think some parts of this are well-written, with a lot of thought put into them... Perhaps too much. I felt some parts were overexplained or rambly with a few parts also feeling a bit monotonous. The atmosphere is just right, however.
To:Deleted User
They've been through a lot together, I'm sure they'll be fine. UwU
And the event of a nuclear winter that would've definitely affected and killed other parts of the world? The outcome wouldn't give them a chance to up with a solution. A few nukes would be believeable, but of that payload would be an extinction event, nothing less~
Jun 16, 2022
Yay! A massive info dump~
I hope you know the repercussions wouldn't just impact North America. Thousands of nukes in a single go? I know I'm.supposed to suspend my belief, however...
A pretty solid start~
I felt like things were happening in this chapter... But there's nothing that strikes me. There's little concern at "painting a picture" or providing some context... And the formatting also has a bit to be desired.
To:AkuaSenpai
This... right here! First character I thought of~
I found this chapter pretty hard to follow. It seems that the quality took quite the dip. Their escape felt very unceremonius and lackluster with the build-up. It becomes really incoherent, from how you give exposition to transitioning to a date, it feels terribly off. And the dialogue, I don't recall sex workers ever talking like that. 👀
Jun 15, 2022
xD The outfit was the obvious reference to Echidna, but the half-elf aspect I overlooked, but her temperament is somewhere in between. I'm glad you like the cover! UwU Your cover is pretty nice too btw~ :3
Darren feels like a particular archetype that I've read in a lot of similar stories. Its not to say that's a bad thing, either. The banter is kinda what gets me entertained here...
To:Yenia
To be fair, Nisioisin does the same. It can be a hit or miss Personally it isn't my flavor to overindulge with exposition, but I'll keep reading to see the effect.
To:lukas53
The critiques I've made in the prior chapters.
