Jun 01, 2022
Hmm. Okay, interesting start I'll admit, though the bar brawl in the middle kinda gave me "and then everybody clapped" vibes, ngl.
The beginning was also really tightly packed together, it felt dense. Luckily it picked up after those first two paragraphs, but I would suggest seeing if there's anywhere you can space them out so the reader isn't seeing a wall of text as soon as they open the story.
Other than that, it's okay.
