Jun 02, 2022
Hmm. This certainly did as advertised, and helped a lot with the world building. At the same time, though, I feel like you can do better. Some of the elements felt like you were telling them to me, when you could have been making me see them viscerally. Like with the cat robots and insectoids, it felt like a passing mention, but those are things to inspire terror, right? You could really make us FEEL that terror with more description to put us there, DESCRIBE these robot cats and what it's like to see someone torn apart by one. It felt kinda blase.
Other than that, it was good, just make sure to remain vigilant of too much repetition. I like Indigo's character right now, but I'm curious. If I was in her position, I definitely wouldn't have given my name. Unless she was really intimidated, but I didn't feel that in that scene. Just my two cents.
