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Jun 20, 2023
Definitely relate to the way that Murasaki kinda calmed Issei down. I don't remember the exact technique here, but I actually find that this kind of sort of simple calming language is super useful for people who have a kind of trauma or anxious episode. Nicely presented!
I think with the high-level chuuni ethos you've built into the main character, I think "you're nothing more than a person" is definitely a lot funnier of a phrase than it normally would be. Just solid delivery here.
I like the mention of double dates in the first half, I wonder how much of that is foreshadowing a moment when the mc tries to take their imaginary girlfriend on a double date with friends. Lots of fun possibilities!
Liking how you ground the audience by having the girl sort of echo the sentiments the reader might actually be thinking. The MC sort of breaking through some of his heightened prose to deliver a retort is also a nicely added flourish.
"Adhering to conventional employment logic" is a pretty amusing phrase, really liking the consistency with the way the narrator speaks and also monologues internally.
I do like the way that you appropriate all this like formal/prosaic wording into the actual dialogue of the main character. I think that sort of shock makes for good comedy. :)
There's a really strange surreal quality to the setting that you've made here, intriguing.
I definitely relate to the idea that even the most like normal thing like buying a different burger is a desperate attempt to shake up your normal/boring life.
Definitely enjoying the reserved quality you've given your MC, especially in the sense that they sort of live in their parents' shadow.
I'm liking the sort of chaotic/erratic internal narration, but I think you overplay your hand at times and it becomes almost too hard to really take seriously. I think one thing that might help is avoiding capitalizing too much all the time because a lot of the curse words and exclamation marks do a lot of that work for you!
Nice sort of flow between the practice session, setting up the conflict with the mc's confidence in their natural abilities, as well as the sort of star crossed interaction between them and the girl with the blue yukata
I actually think there's something subtly haunting/chilling about the very brazen/cold way that the story about killing a witch is told. Nice touch! :)
The witch reminds me of the frustration of a lot of modern match makers, haha.
I also like to beat dangerous people who cheat at games!
Enjoyed the change of styles from one time to another to showcase the passage of time.
