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Kaisei

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I edit! You can check my website for more details.

registered at: May 28, 2023

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aaa

Jun 20, 2023

I'm liking the sort of chaotic/erratic internal narration, but I think you overplay your hand at times and it becomes almost too hard to really take seriously. I think one thing that might help is avoiding capitalizing too much all the time because a lot of the curse words and exclamation marks do a lot of that work for you!

My Grandma's Loving Maid Is My Classroom Neighbor?!

Chapter:2

Jun 20, 2023

Nice sort of flow between the practice session, setting up the conflict with the mc's confidence in their natural abilities, as well as the sort of star crossed interaction between them and the girl with the blue yukata

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:2

Jun 20, 2023

I actually think there's something subtly haunting/chilling about the very brazen/cold way that the story about killing a witch is told. Nice touch! :)

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:3

Jun 20, 2023

The witch reminds me of the frustration of a lot of modern match makers, haha.

With a Love Sorceress I'll Make My Romance Last!

Chapter:3

Jun 20, 2023

I also like to beat dangerous people who cheat at games!

Pretty Boy Gangster

Chapter:3

Jun 20, 2023

Enjoyed the change of styles from one time to another to showcase the passage of time.

Writing a Guidebook with You

Chapter:0

Jun 19, 2023

What if Charlotte liking a girl becomes his problem? 🤔

The Vtuber Next Door

Chapter:2

Jun 19, 2023

There is something a little ironic and awkward in someone using leaked stalker data to find a VTuber at their own school. I like that line/distinction drawn between morbid curiosity and hope!

The Vtuber Next Door

Chapter:1

Jun 19, 2023

I like the friendly dynamics and fun chatter over the group. Paper girl is also a pretty cute nickname, simple but adorable.

Pretty Boy Gangster

Chapter:2

Jun 19, 2023

Really fun characterization of an anime con-goer, as well as a lot of their scatter brained characteristics.

Pigeon on a Power Line

Chapter:1

Jun 19, 2023

Something that's interesting about you writing is how easily you incorporate a lot of gamer lingo and terminology without it coming off as jarring. I think it's done quite impressively!

Maniavolution

Chapter:2

Jun 19, 2023

I think as a children's story there are a lot of cute elements here, some of the uses of simple sentences really help accentuate that vibe. I think you probably could have modified the way you're ending some of these chapters as they feel a little incomplete.

Soulmates of loneliness

Chapter:2

Jun 19, 2023

I think some of the ways you convey childish adolescence / naivety are spot on. I know my siblings definitely kept believing some of these fairy tales deep into adolescence!

Soulmates of loneliness

Chapter:1

Jun 19, 2023

I like the description of the pastel tones of the blue yukata mixed with the dreamlike/surreal imagery that the mc is experiencing.

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:1

Jun 19, 2023

I can definitely relate to some of Haru's manifestations. I remember in my younger days trying desperately to lucid dream and I think you hit some of these perspectives nicely. The orientation of the plot and pacing might need some work though, as I think the section before Haru asks Grace the question from the previous chapter feels like you're taking us back in time when we don't want to; we want to get right to the boy meets girl moment!

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:1

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