Jun 22, 2023

I like the image in my head of Nanna threatening to follow Paltar to the ends of the earth by waddling behind him for eternity.

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Jun 22, 2023

Oh my god it's a cute talking goose! At first I was going to remark that maybe this goose was just going to waddle around like that goose game that came out a while ago but this is an even better premise!

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Jun 22, 2023

"He was only ten." That got a chuckle out of me. Good hook.

Also just enjoying the general fairy tale ethos of the whole story.

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Jun 22, 2023

Is it just me or did Kenji have a ring case for his girlfriend even though his girlfriend implied that they had only been together for a few weeks? Poor Kenji, I know guys who fall really quickly. :'(

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Jun 22, 2023

Yai is just so surprisingly pushy in spite of being a freeloader, kind of makes me a little suspicious of her motives...

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Jun 22, 2023

Was a pretty comedic opening to this chapter, like the idea of just stealing from Testu's mom's wardrobe at this point since she was already nice enough to let Yai stay over.

One thing I'll mention is the description of Testu's mom felt...strangely impersonal? It just felt like she was a foreign object that was being listlessly described even though the actual words on the page was meant to be positively connotated. I think more energy and vitality is needed for a moment like that!

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Jun 22, 2023

"Stop looking around my room!"

What is she supposed to do, Testu, you brought her there!!!

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Jun 22, 2023

Hahaha, this reminds me of the hook of that one manga about the salaryman shaving and bringing a teenager home?

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Jun 22, 2023

Reed just blended into the group pretty quickly, pretty cool how open Dahlia is about the drawbacks of the way she communicates / is.

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Jun 22, 2023

Like that Ash kind of just does what she wants. Exorcises a human being, then asks him to ride into town with her, and then invites him to see her show (definitely not a date) when that plan falls through.

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Jun 22, 2023

I really like how you represented the multiplicity of texting in this chapter as well as the emotional labor it takes to text (if it can be called that) that people don't normally think about or vocalize.

I also think a lot of people are gunshy to not just write "ey yo dawg this hw is gapping me," and I'm glad you weren't! It's accurate and realistic!

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Jun 22, 2023

I think cooking isekai might be one of my guilty pleasures and I always take pleasure when the character just takes a recipe from an old world and it becomes a massive hit in the entire kingdom or becomes basically some kind of exquisite royal treat, etc

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Jun 22, 2023

I liked that you avoided the sort of routine of describing the seasons and the weather and just immediately jumped to the narrator's preference for good sleep. Shows a sort of strong individual personality that makes the MC a bit unique in that regard.

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Jun 22, 2023

I have to admit, I don't care for Konya's opinion either!!! >:(

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Jun 22, 2023

Ooooh, what is that song reminding our narrator of?

I think Yuna's monologue in the middle of the chapter has some nice bits, but I think it verges a little bit close to melodramatic, and it almost reads like a section of descriptions than dialogue, but I like the emotions behind it!

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