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Kaisei

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registered at: May 28, 2023

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aaa

Jun 25, 2023

To:lolitroy

As in the use of the passive voice along with the word "dissipated" kills any fluidity the sentence might have. The simile used also just doesn't flow well in the aftermath, like just linguistically/rhythmically I have trouble parsing it. None of these things are necessarily bad in isolation but together it just forms a sentence that I have to double take and reread to see if that's actually what was written.

But also this is just my opinion! If you like it, then you like it, don't mind me!!!

title is a WIP

Chapter:6

Jun 25, 2023

I was not expecting that realization at the end of the chapter. What that what he meant when he said he was beneath the tree and "enjoying" it?

Writing a Guidebook with You

Chapter:2

Jun 25, 2023

Jun wants to be a kimono painter! That's awesome!!! A man after my own heart, he can paint me one. <3

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:7

Jun 25, 2023

It's actually almost unbelievable that nobody like echoed what Shiraito said to Ueda. Super supportive wowowow.

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:6

Jun 25, 2023

Hahaha, I've read A Rebours (and re: Dorian Gray, I'm quite sure Dorian Gray read it too!). I actually never liked the Decadent movement, and it probably did a lot of damaging things for the novel, but it's fun to see it referenced and interlaced here.

To you, A Lei of Daisies

Chapter:9

Jun 25, 2023

So Luke is literally telling people how to create Molotov Cocktails and it's somehow someone else's fault?

I like the opening of this chapter too, good pun and I liked that you had the characters commenting on Neil laughing at it too.

To you, A Lei of Daisies

Chapter:8

Jun 25, 2023

The violent downpour is like a mic drop....

To you, A Lei of Daisies

Chapter:7

Jun 25, 2023

A lot of healing was done this chapter, like the representation of undeserved guilt that Stan feels when a lot of things out of his control comes to light. Alice being an overprotective lesbian was a funny touch, nice!

Escapism

Chapter:4

Jun 25, 2023

How many layers of denial can Saku wear, I wonder?

Also troglodyte is a good word.

title is a WIP

Chapter:7

Jun 25, 2023

I think the first sentence of the chapter needs a little work it's a highly dissonant expression.

I liked the flow of the dialogue though.

title is a WIP

Chapter:6

Jun 25, 2023

Awwww, Ayano and Akari got some alone time! Honestly, really relate to just walking around and finding a really beautiful spot when my mind is full of junk! It declutters itself really easily when I do that.

Pretty Boy Gangster

Chapter:8

Jun 25, 2023

That first sip of the day...

Another pretty boy gangster has appeared! As a member of the Viper gang, how can he be anything else but a snake. :(

Pretty Boy Gangster

Chapter:7

Jun 25, 2023

You know while I was thinking about petrification again, I realized that there are certain areas in games I've played where even if you could theoretically tank the damage infinitely, you would just get stunlocked until someone bailed you out of the situation. Kind of scary to think about, being an immortal that was just petrified for the rest of your days...

Maniavolution

Chapter:8

Jun 25, 2023

Imagine waking up one day and a metaphysical concept like Love is actually your parent.

Cursed Lines

Chapter:7

Jun 25, 2023

Ugh yeah that's the thing with so many shelters! A lot of them just aren't very well run. :(

31 cats...it's okay this is exposure therapy. <3

Ailurophobia

Chapter:7

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