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Kaisei

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I edit! You can check my website for more details.

registered at: May 28, 2023

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aaa

Jun 21, 2023

I've definitely heard the age joke, but with 911 instead of jail.

I'm enjoying the way you characterize your narrator and others through the dialogue, there's a really nice flow and back and forth as Neil kind of reckons with his position in life versus those that are more or less flourishing around him.

To you, A Lei of Daisies

Chapter:3

Jun 21, 2023

Wow, that's brutal! Part of me definitely gets sort of Your Lie in April vibes from the story, but without the excessive melodrama and misplaced pretension. Interested to see where it goes from here.

To you, A Lei of Daisies

Chapter:2

Jun 21, 2023

The familiar Rachmaninoff is in c#-minor! An important distinction!!!

I like the sort of contrast in the tone, prose, and dialogue that you use to frame the narrative. You have the sort of weighty / lofty elegance of the performance and the more down to earth and grounded dialogue and feelings of the narrator after the end of it. Nicely done.

To you, A Lei of Daisies

Chapter:1

Jun 21, 2023

A nice convincing depiction of pretention, especially as like layers of dramatic irony placed atop one another.

Pigeon on a Power Line

Chapter:3

Jun 21, 2023

I liked the wistful nature of the narration, and the dialogue was snappy and realistic too. The jokes and friendliness between people was playful and fun.

Crystal Sky

Chapter:3

Jun 21, 2023

There's a very nostalgic presence in the way you present the story that I like. I will say I think you lingered a bit too long on the expansive visual imagery, you had one prosaic passage and then shortly after another one about musicality and the symphonic texture of the wind. These are okay in isolation but can be overwhelming because personally I wanted to see more internal narration and characterization!

Crystal Sky

Chapter:2

Jun 21, 2023

I enjoy the framing you use to introduce the narrative. Cool, casual cafe atmosphere to introduce us to your story. :)

Crystal Sky

Chapter:0

Jun 21, 2023

I'm not gonna lie, the phrase troublesome gangster feels kind of wholesome for some reason in the way you delivered it. Makes Akari sound a lot less threatening than his reputation.

Pretty Boy Gangster

Chapter:4

Jun 21, 2023

I enjoyed the way you wrote Stan getting chewed out, between the dialogue as well as the sort of fixation between light/dark.

Escapism

Chapter:3

Jun 21, 2023

If he's already missing his shots at practice, wait till he gets flustered by the girl at the actual game! x)

Our Greatest Comeback: Thanks to your beautiful light

Chapter:3

Jun 21, 2023

I love the astrology section. They are so perfectly nonsensical and I can absolutely see some diva witch using them to calculate the statistical probability of success.

With a Love Sorceress I'll Make My Romance Last!

Chapter:4

Jun 21, 2023

At the very least I can appreciate how honest Yuta is with his preference for maids.

My Grandma's Loving Maid Is My Classroom Neighbor?!

Chapter:3

Jun 21, 2023

Curious to see how you investigate Haru's preferences versus Grace's appearance and personality. It seems he's not super convinced that he actual prefers a manic pixie dream girl and yet...there she is...

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:3

Jun 21, 2023

I'm waiting for the narrator to take over the conversation with "Ok, boomer."

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:4

Jun 21, 2023

I think you just took spawn camping to another level with this chapter.

Maniavolution

Chapter:4

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