Jun 19, 2023

I actually like that you essentially drop us into this fantasy world without giving too much exposition about all the names, places, peoples, etc. It makes everything seem a bit more realistic and mirrors the main character's own confusion.

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Jun 19, 2023

I liked the portrayal and contrast of the boring classroom next to anxiety and excitement of hoping someone's music turns out to be soulful and engaging.

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Jun 19, 2023

I think you're onto something here with the inner monologue and narration! I think there are a lot of people who get into cycles of boredom who desperately want something exciting, even if said event is terrible, to happen. This felt very realistic in that regard and acts as a good way to relate to the main character.

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Jun 19, 2023

I liked the opening passage, even though you had sort of long descriptive paragraphs, they flowed nicely and you set up the conflict well with the second half of the chapter. A few grammatical errors here and there though that could be fixed with a bit of proofreading. Nice job!

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Jun 19, 2023

I enjoyed the slow methodical unveiling of the exposition! I think maybe some people might prefer things fast paced but I liked how this felt like a sort of personal diary of sorts while reading. Keep going!

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Jun 19, 2023

I liked the pun behind "queue yourself." That was actually quite clever, I've never thought of that before.

The actual writing was very smooth, I think it's clear that you're used to these kinds of stories and the rhythm that goes behind writing them. Excited to read more of it!

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Jun 19, 2023

It seems like no matter where you end up, university orientations are always so boring. I enjoyed the details of the narrator's backstory, looking forward to where you take the story. :)

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Jun 19, 2023

To:Pernodi

I did a revision of a phrase that I thought was a little excessive yesterday, so maybe that's why it feels less thesaurus-driven! Thanks for your kind words, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. :)

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Jun 18, 2023

I like the combination of different tropes here! I'm reminded of a hodge podge of different shoujo manga I used to read, which is to say I think it's pretty cute and charming! The writing is simple and straightforward to.

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Jun 18, 2023

Happy to see a male MC with very clearly defined motivations, the narration concerning him reasoning with himself why he jumped into action was a good touch!

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Jun 18, 2023

Might be one of the first sports novels that I looked at. I appreciate there being relationships outside of the romance initially explored!

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Jun 18, 2023

The fortune teller reminds me of that old lady from Tatami Galaxy! I thought your opening scene was pretty funny too, I had a chuckle at it.

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Jun 18, 2023

To:Bubbles

I see what you mean and I'll keep that in mind! Thanks!

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