Jun 23, 2023

I think there's a lot of personality in the narration, but I want to see where things are headed! I think you've given us a lot of texture and insight into who some of these characters but now I want to know more about Yuta and what he's going to be doing about all the impulses swirling in his head!

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 23, 2023

Rika's being an amazing wingwoman. I liked the opening monologue, specifically the sort of internal debating that Aito is experiencing!

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

I guess the irony is even if she shouted that she was a princess at the top of her lungs, would anyone believe a talking goose that she was a cursed princess?

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

I like the image in my head of Nanna threatening to follow Paltar to the ends of the earth by waddling behind him for eternity.

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

Oh my god it's a cute talking goose! At first I was going to remark that maybe this goose was just going to waddle around like that goose game that came out a while ago but this is an even better premise!

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

"He was only ten." That got a chuckle out of me. Good hook.

Also just enjoying the general fairy tale ethos of the whole story.

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

Is it just me or did Kenji have a ring case for his girlfriend even though his girlfriend implied that they had only been together for a few weeks? Poor Kenji, I know guys who fall really quickly. :'(

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

Yai is just so surprisingly pushy in spite of being a freeloader, kind of makes me a little suspicious of her motives...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

Was a pretty comedic opening to this chapter, like the idea of just stealing from Testu's mom's wardrobe at this point since she was already nice enough to let Yai stay over.

One thing I'll mention is the description of Testu's mom felt...strangely impersonal? It just felt like she was a foreign object that was being listlessly described even though the actual words on the page was meant to be positively connotated. I think more energy and vitality is needed for a moment like that!

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

"Stop looking around my room!"

What is she supposed to do, Testu, you brought her there!!!

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

Hahaha, this reminds me of the hook of that one manga about the salaryman shaving and bringing a teenager home?

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

2

Jun 22, 2023

Reed just blended into the group pretty quickly, pretty cool how open Dahlia is about the drawbacks of the way she communicates / is.

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

Like that Ash kind of just does what she wants. Exorcises a human being, then asks him to ride into town with her, and then invites him to see her show (definitely not a date) when that plan falls through.

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

I really like how you represented the multiplicity of texting in this chapter as well as the emotional labor it takes to text (if it can be called that) that people don't normally think about or vocalize.

I also think a lot of people are gunshy to not just write "ey yo dawg this hw is gapping me," and I'm glad you weren't! It's accurate and realistic!

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1

Jun 22, 2023

I think cooking isekai might be one of my guilty pleasures and I always take pleasure when the character just takes a recipe from an old world and it becomes a massive hit in the entire kingdom or becomes basically some kind of exquisite royal treat, etc

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

1