Jun 12, 2023
It's quite detailed and pretty nice, except for the fact that some sentences are too long.
Even the first sentence is throwing me off.
"My nightly cycle includes buying food from a local convenience store, going home, eating the meal, and then doing whatever I want until I'm too tired to continue then sleep."
This sentence alone should been split into two or even three. Try to reread it for clarity and make sure that you can imagine one whole sentence in your head. Remember that your reader has ONLY limited space in their head to imagine, making a reader imagine too much stuff at a single moment, especially a single sentence, would break their immersion a lot.
For example, this would be better, but not good in prose:
At night, I went doing my nightly routine: Going to the convenience store, ordering a snack as a takeout, then go home. I quickly ate my dinner, as I carried my exhaustion to my sleep.
This is just an example and not done in prose. You should be able to get what I meant from here. Improve that, and your chapter would be solid.
Keep going at it!👍
