Mario Nakano 64 / Comments

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023

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aaa

Oct 05, 2025

I guess things must stay PG, so no dissolving clothes... But just saying, there could have been some mist or mysterious black boxes to cover things up. Better yet, a big-nosed guy's face with a red line and circle around it that can only be removed if you enter the cheat code at the start of the game.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:25

Oct 05, 2025

A few formatting hiccup or two in terms of spacing, but otherwise, the chapter looks quite nice aesthetically.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:24

Oct 05, 2025

I respect the fact that you're trying to tackle mixing first and third person in the chapter as it's very difficult to do. That being said, the "Nive sat on a bench..." line right in the middle of the first-person section was a bit jarring considering it easily could have been changed to Nive stating how he sat down on the bench. The other big issue is that since you also have thoughts italicized, things can get a bit confusing. I noticed you managed to shrink the text for stuff told from Nive's perspective, but the problem is that all these different formats meshing together can be a bit much to take in and comprehend.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:23

Oct 05, 2025

Is the mud based off dead sea mud? If so, you missed a chance to have Kaya roam around as a mud man for a while.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:22

Oct 05, 2025

So Toby's a ghost now? Is he able to roam freely and do whatever, or is he bound by certain rules that prevent him from having complete freedom.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:21

Oct 05, 2025

To:Taylor J

That's the power of bald yuri.

Our Town in another world

Chapter:19

Oct 05, 2025

To:Taylor J

There are other elf tribes in this world, but I doubt many could be considered docile and peaceful. The Aarlord tribe is just the most barbaric by scale.

Our Town in another world

Chapter:18

Oct 05, 2025

I fully understand the centering and right-aligning of the text are intentional stylistic choices, stylistic choices which are done quite well in my opinion. However, my gripe will lie with the inconsistent formatting for the normal text. The beginning of the chapter and the end are night and day in terms of formatting. It's not as bad as some of the formatting in the previous chapters I had issue with, but when it's persistent, it effects readability and enjoyment. The story content itself is good, but little things like formatting inconsistencies can detract from it.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:20

Oct 05, 2025

And now things are improving again. Really hoping things stay on the up as when the formatting and structure are unpolished, it detracts from the content of the actual story greatly.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:19

Oct 05, 2025

No, no, no! It's like the first few chapters! Why? Everything was good, so why'd the writing revert back to how it was in the first few chapters?

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:18

Oct 05, 2025

The formatting... It really is hard to read when everything's all scrunched up and not spaced out.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:17

Oct 05, 2025

The formatting got really scrunched up, and for the whole chapter. Things were really formatted nicely before, so why the change? Hope this is just a one-off thing.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:16

Oct 05, 2025

I guess they are still in the spirit realm after all.

The Zodiac Covenant- Vol.1

Chapter:12

Oct 05, 2025

Wait, so they were brought to another realm to gain power, but then returned to their original world?

The Zodiac Covenant- Vol.1

Chapter:11

Oct 05, 2025

It did look like the formatting got a bit scrunched up at times when it should have been spaced out. Some parts look intentional, such as the message, but I'm not sure on the others. It's not a huge issue, but it can fall into nitpick territory.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:15

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