Mario Nakano 64 / Comments

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023

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aaa

Oct 05, 2025

So is this "earth" actually just a computer program? Interesting twist.

The Zodiac Covenant- Vol.1

Chapter:14

Oct 05, 2025

There really are a lot of characters in this.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:31

Oct 05, 2025

Hmm, this is really giving me the vibes that everything's gonna take place on earth and not in another world.

The Zodiac Covenant- Vol.1

Chapter:13

Oct 05, 2025

You're all yanderes.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:30

Oct 05, 2025

So how does Nami's gelatin hair function exactly?

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:29

Oct 05, 2025

"Your power is self-hatred." Most depressing isekai power yet.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:28

Oct 05, 2025

I think "awkward" sums up the events of this chapter quite nicely, especially pink gel Nami.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:27

Oct 05, 2025

The "slowly pulling on it with a firm grip" and "slowly interlocking their fingers" lines should have been joined to their previous respective sentences with a comma in my opinion.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:26

Oct 05, 2025

I guess things must stay PG, so no dissolving clothes... But just saying, there could have been some mist or mysterious black boxes to cover things up. Better yet, a big-nosed guy's face with a red line and circle around it that can only be removed if you enter the cheat code at the start of the game.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:25

Oct 05, 2025

A few formatting hiccup or two in terms of spacing, but otherwise, the chapter looks quite nice aesthetically.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:24

Oct 05, 2025

I respect the fact that you're trying to tackle mixing first and third person in the chapter as it's very difficult to do. That being said, the "Nive sat on a bench..." line right in the middle of the first-person section was a bit jarring considering it easily could have been changed to Nive stating how he sat down on the bench. The other big issue is that since you also have thoughts italicized, things can get a bit confusing. I noticed you managed to shrink the text for stuff told from Nive's perspective, but the problem is that all these different formats meshing together can be a bit much to take in and comprehend.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:23

Oct 05, 2025

Is the mud based off dead sea mud? If so, you missed a chance to have Kaya roam around as a mud man for a while.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:22

Oct 05, 2025

So Toby's a ghost now? Is he able to roam freely and do whatever, or is he bound by certain rules that prevent him from having complete freedom.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:21

Oct 05, 2025

To:Taylor J

That's the power of bald yuri.

Our Town in another world

Chapter:19

Oct 05, 2025

To:Taylor J

There are other elf tribes in this world, but I doubt many could be considered docile and peaceful. The Aarlord tribe is just the most barbaric by scale.

Our Town in another world

Chapter:18

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