Jan 08, 2025
Congratulations on finishing. I plan to write a review, but I'll summarize some of my thoughts here too. I echo many of the sentiments expressed in Walker's review, one being the characters. I feel the supporting cast was kind of bland, and dare I say forgettable at times, whether it be due to lack of screen-time or overall plot significance. To name names, I honestly forgot a lot about Sarge, Queen, and even Jester at times. This might come as a shock as I had nothing but praise for Jester's backstory, but his backstory is honestly all I feel he has going for him. I can't really remember any other stand-out story beats with him other than him doing fujoshi mouth-to-mouth. To give some more context as to why I feel this way, I have a motto that if you were to remove a specific character from the story and the plot is not greatly effected by their absence, the character needs to have more plot significance.
I also think things played out a bit too conveniently for the heroes, or rather it didn't feel like the heroes faced a significant enough trial. For example, if one of the main cast had actually been affected by the Icarus bomb, I feel it would have enhanced the plot. There was a scene where a somewhat notable character, Parody Jake from State Farm got effected by the Icarus bomb, but it was brushed up in a single chapter. I honestly feel Sarge should have been the one to get effected instead that would have left more of an impact than Jake. It also could have led to some more interesting plot-lines; the full recovery process of a Flyer hit with the Icarus bomb, the psychological effect on Silverstream for having someone close be effected, being some such examples. Dare I say, Jake actually overstayed his welcome at times with the aforementioned scene being the biggest offender, in my opinion, and easily my least favorite moment in the story. If Jake was part of the main cast though, I would have likely viewed the scene differently though. I know you tried to use the moment to provide character development for Arwain, but I just feel Sarge or another Silverstream member would have been a better fit than Jake.
As Walker said it best, there's times it feels like things are being held back, which I feel lies more in the contest rules. I feel this would have thrived more as an Alt-history novel than a Harmonic future one as the former category would have allowed for more leeway on the darker elements the story could have explored.
Despite my critique, especially of the Jake scene, I do think the story is an overall solid Shounen. Congratulations once more for finishing, and good luck with the contest.
