Jun 18, 2023
You asked for a Xenomorph comment so I'm about to give one.
At first, due to the story hitting close to home, I was intrigued by the concept, the character roles, the haunting atmosphere the writing creates. It really feels like it's raining constantly. It starts at the right time andd both characters have a short, but sweet intro. It's a good opening, easy to get hooked by. As the story went on, I kind of lost a grasp on the characters, which is odd because it's usually the other way around?
To elaborate: I was interested in Izumi at first, but she felt increasingly nebulous as a character. Did I miss a chapter or did they suddenly act as though they were close friends even though they hardly know each other? She got flirty pretty fast, but then would act bashful, and I'm not sure if it's intentional, but it's weird (to me). I'm this far into the story and I couldn't describe her if I tried to, aside from the physical disability, which doesn't bode well. Maybe she'll get better as time goes on, but right now... I'm not sure.
Ichiro has a cool name, likes baseball and is nice, but yeah... what else? I really felt for him when he saw his friends 'moving on' even if they weren't, but that was the only time when he felt like a character. I feel bad for pointing this out when so many stories have a protagonist that seems to exist as a vessel for the audience to see the story through, but in this case said story seems to be much more character focused, pretty much by definition, in which case it's important to properly flesh them out lest the story fall into the same trap as so, so many others, with superficial feelsgood inspirational messages about letting your demons go or whatever, but nothing to say beyond 'life goes on' 'it's ok to exist the way you do', etc. which great stories say, too, but in a way only the author will ever be able to mean it. This feels like it's trying to get there but doesn't know how.
Side characters are the same, existing because that's what happens in stories like these. They have names because the alternative would be confusing, and then... that's it.
I think the issue is that you gloss over what could be actual developments and bonding moments. Their essence is there, but you don't go deep enough. As a result, it's like reading a summary. That's why I don't know the main leads yet, let alone anyone else. MC's personality is what the scene needs it to be (or maybe 'nice' will do), much like female MC (or maybe 'feisty, but can also get embarrassed' will do). He's almost done with therapy unless I misunderstood, so then... what? I'm assuming he'll continue to visit, but what about her? I'm assuming he might have some trouble in the future or that the issue with his perceived alienation might worsen, which is great, because it'd give him some flavor. It's sad, it hits hard, and it's a more in-depth look into what accidents like these can cause.
On the other hand, it's 'only' chapter 6, so of course there's time to go deeper into the subject. It's be cool to see who Izumi is aside from what has been established, which is to say a concept. It'd be nice to see Ichiro stretch out of the box, even if a bit. It'd be nice to see side characters be characters. I might've been harsh (as you asked) but I am looking forward to see how this will develop. Besides, nobody knows the story better than you do, so what seems like a flaw to me might be what you like in a story, which is valid. I'm rooting for these two, for this story, and for you. There's plenty of gold to find here.
