Nov 22, 2025
While I love me some good ole GL, this one left me a little mixed. Though I get you want to portray Mila as wanting to help Amy, her method of slipping the phone in the bag honestly raises a red flag for me. It reeks more of malintent than not, which while I feel isn't the intent, still rubs me in that way. Amy has every right to be on guard as with the drop of a pin, Mila could trap her thanks to phone, as Amy is vulnerable to the point where I feel Mila could easily take advantage of her if she so chose to. I get that might not be the intent, but with under 2,000 words worth of content, it's hard to judge what kind of person Mila truly is.
In terms of suggestions, slipping a note or business card in Amy's bag might have been a less red-flagy way of trying to initiate contact with Amy, or even exchanging phone numbers when the two first encountered each other. But of course, you are the author and have every right to write your story the way you see fit.
Overall, I think the main problem is more so the length as it doesn't leave lots of room for character development. That being said, I don't mind short and sweet reads.