Mario Nakano 64 / Comments

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023

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aaa

Dec 19, 2025

Caught a grammar error: It's "threw the ball at my face" not "throwed the ball at my face".

BARAMAKU RANSHIN

Chapter:14

Dec 19, 2025

Some real chunky paragraphs there.

Moonlight Phoenix Girl

Chapter:19

Dec 19, 2025

One thing I'm noticing is that you tend to have characters' dialogue be on the next line down when there are times it's perfectly fine to include it in the same line. For example, you often have,
"And so I said,
[character's dialogue]"
"And so I said, [character's dialogue]" is perfectly fine, but if it's more a style choice, I won't critique the matter.

BARAMAKU RANSHIN

Chapter:13

Dec 19, 2025

Star Platinum?

Moonlight Phoenix Girl

Chapter:18

Dec 19, 2025

I take it the previous chapter was accidentally skipped over as I was a little lost at the start of the chapter.

Moonlight Phoenix Girl

Chapter:17

Dec 19, 2025

So is this deliberately blank, or did you accidentally forget to put the chapter here?

Moonlight Phoenix Girl

Chapter:16

Dec 19, 2025

To:Jekko

You're not alone. There's nothing here on my end either.

Moonlight Phoenix Girl

Chapter:16

Dec 19, 2025

There was a lot going on here, but I did notice quite a bit of grammar errors with this one. Make use of the comma, and maybe rewrite some of the action scenes to flow a little better. As they are now, they feel a little rough at places.

BARAMAKU RANSHIN

Chapter:11

Dec 19, 2025

Pippa giving off Liz Smart vibes, even has pink hair too.

Piracy In Another World: I Will Plunder The System

Chapter:15

Dec 19, 2025

Rain is fine. It's only bad if there's lightning it's pouring buckets to the point where things are flooding.

BARAMAKU RANSHIN

Chapter:10

Dec 19, 2025

Ah, I just remembered who Pippa reminds me of the most. It's Konami's Mr. Orb. Was that perhaps the inspiration for her?

Piracy In Another World: I Will Plunder The System

Chapter:14

Dec 19, 2025

Is that samurai armor the same as from the cover? Also, fyi, you don't get penalized for not censoring curse words, but if you want to censor them, that's your decision. Just thought I'd let you know since many are unsure if curse words are allowed.

The Incurrence: Hexed Fate

Chapter:3

Dec 19, 2025

That's some metal cover art.

The Incurrence: Hexed Fate

Chapter:2

Dec 19, 2025

Author's Commentary #20:

Time to talk about Chapter 20: Plum stupid chess.
By that title, I'm sure you can guess that the quality of chess displayed in this chapter was not the greatest. At least Yuusuke got a win.

Perhaps the big twist is that Plum Stupid really is plum stupid. I felt it would actually be really predictable if a character like him turned out to be a secret mastermind, thus I decided that he'd actually be stupid. And while I did harp a bit on the game, I actually didn't have any issues making it.

As for the game itself, 1. d4 a5 actually doesn't have any official title other than just, "Queen's Pawn Opening". Thus, I dubbed it the Kawaguchi Opening. As for the continuation of 2. Nc3 Ra6, that shall henceforth be known as the Plum Stupid Opening.

As for why Yuusuke decided to play this, his loss to Skaberghast shook him, especially since Hagemi was present to see it. Thus, he recalled a game Magnus Carlsen played where he played the same opening he decided to play. Or at least, that's the cannonical reason. The behind-the-scenes reason is that at the time, I just decided to plop the game on Yuusuke without really thinking of whether his character would allow him to play the dubious opening or not.

That's all for this commentary. I hope you enjoyed it.

En Passant Grandmaster Volume 3

Chapter:20

Dec 19, 2025

Author's Commentary #19:

Time to talk about Chapter 19: The true terror of Red Reaper.
I just couldn't wait to post this one as it highlights just how much of a threat Red Reaper truly is. Obviously, I'm not going to reveal how exactly he was able to revive here. All I'll say is that a DESPER is involved, and that he managed to cheat the system.

As such, Okisato was going to have no trouble winning, but now he'll have to face Red Reaper once more. The game itself was rather enjoyable though and features an O'Neill Gambit, making it stand out as rather unique.

One final thing I'll mention is in regards to the Ultima-master. The Ultima-master has seemingly made it's debut and it's a machine of some sorts. However, there's something special about this "Ultima-master". As for what that is, you'll just have to wait and see.

That's all for this commentary. I hope you enjoyed it.

En Passant Grandmaster Volume 3

Chapter:19

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