Jul 11, 2022
Two chapters is a bit early for me, but I guess I'll share my thoughts anyway:
First thing I noticed with your novel was the prose. I can tell it's quite high-leveled, which is great, but to me, its rich descriptiveness is ironically its downfall. The world you've built up is pretty good, but before I could truly enjoy the vibes you've created, I have to first be hooked in the first place, and the long paragraphs of nothing but descriptions kind of hurt my enjoyment in the process, especially when I have no idea what world this actually is and what to expect from it.
I don't know if it's me misunderstanding things, but Mayfly comes off to me as rather... confusing. The narration and synopsis suggest that she's a small child, but her dialogue gives me the feel of a teenager at least, as if she's older and more mature than she looks. If it's the intention all along, then it's great, but if not, it's a rather puzzling matter.
Overall, I'd say it's decent. Perhaps later chapters will be able to convince me.
