Jul 20, 2022
I’ll be honest, this chapter is a bit… rough to read. There are lot of grammatical mistakes, from incorrect tenses to weird quotes placement. The overdescriptiveness in your prose makes the story hard to follow. Odd word choices killed off the mood for some scenes (I keep seeing the word “bunch” popping up, and I frankly can’t feel that the situation is supposed to be serious after that). The dialogue is bewildering so to speak, in the sense that the characters say a lot of words but I don’t see any personality coming from them. All in all, there is a lot of work to do with this one.
