Mario Nakano 64 / Comments

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023

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aaa

Sep 15, 2025

Wow, that was a hell of an ending. It took me a good few months, but I finally managed to finish this. Overall, I'd say you did a good job with tension and worldbuilding, but there were some formatting and grammar issues. That being said, it does look like you fixed most of the ones myself and other readers brought to your attention. Overall, I'd say this was a solid read, though if you ever do decide to go back and edit this further, I'd recommend breaking up the chapters as they are really long. Nothing wrong with long chapters, but considering the word count is over 55,000 and there's only 19 chapters, it might be easier for readers if you break up the chapters into smaller ones so they don't need to set aside a bunch of time just to read a chapter or two. I'd also recommend trimming down the amount of times you constantly remind the reader of Lucy's physical and mental age as it gets really repetitive. Other than that, I'd say this is a very solid novel, but with some room for improvement.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:19

Sep 15, 2025

I called it.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:18

Sep 15, 2025

We're in the endgame now.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:17

Sep 15, 2025

Ah boy, Elias is gonna sacrifice himself. I can feel it.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:16

Sep 15, 2025

I know I already said I'm not going to gripe about the chapters being long, but I am curious what the average word count is per chapter, just to kind of get a sense of how much I'm reading in a single chapter.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:15

Sep 15, 2025

I like how you highlighted the moral dilemma Ishida faces. Poor guy really is between a rock and a hard place.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:14

Sep 15, 2025

Now this was a good chapter. You did an amazing job making Ivanov a detestable bastard you want to see get beaten to a pulp.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:13

Sep 15, 2025

I loved the tension this chapter had, but again, was it really necessary to give a recap of Lucy's state? Here it just feels completely unnecessary and I'd honestly recommend editing it out.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:12

Sep 15, 2025

It is getting a little repetitive having each chapter open by narrating how Lucy's body has aged while her mind hasn't.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:11

Sep 15, 2025

I'm starting to notice these chapters are getting long. Nothing wrong with long chapters, and since the contest period has long since passed, I won't recommend breaking up the chapters as it's no longer bound to follow the chapter word count guidelines of it.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:10

Sep 15, 2025

Hmm, not a big fan of all the em dashes. I feel too many of them ruin the immersion.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:9

Sep 15, 2025

It's never this easy. Hopefully they can get the rest of the parts to build the stabilizer.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:8

Sep 15, 2025

Looks like this is the final new chapter to Season 1, unless a chapter I already read was heavily edited. So far, it looks like most of the new chapters boiled down to expanding things out which is nice, but not essential for understanding things in season 3.

Your Healer

Chapter:16

Sep 15, 2025

Even though it's been months since I last read this, I was quickly able to get reimmersed in the world, and be reminded of how cruel and gritty it is.

The Drift of Time

Chapter:7

Sep 15, 2025

It's probably because it's been so long since I read the 1st season, but I do remember there was an exhibition where Miko fought. I'm pretty sure she fought Elliot in the original, but I don't remember her beating him so senselessly.

Your Healer

Chapter:14

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