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Momentie

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Hi there,
This is the former home of some of my novels, you can find them these days over on RoyalRoad!

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

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aaa

Jan 18, 2022

All caugth up again and has been a fun ride this far😊👍.

@Gen/Esis said pretty much my thoughts so I won't go any further.
(Also nice great comments on this and his other book Gen😊)

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I'll look foward to it if you post more😊😊👍👍.

MagiHumeDate ー The Dating App for Magical Beings and Ordinary Folk 「Wattpad Exclusive」

Chapter:3

Jan 18, 2022

These short openings to your books are great hooks😊👍.

Nine

Chapter:0

Jan 18, 2022

These kids need a better sense of humour😂😂

Naruto: The Tale of Yuki Uchiha Volume 1 and 2

Chapter:5

Jan 18, 2022

......... 'nerd' 😂😂

The Dungeon Party

Chapter:1

Jan 18, 2022

I like the use of the 'wall' terminology 😂😊.

Will You Break the Wall to Save Your Dearest?

Chapter:0

Jan 18, 2022

Too friggin wholesome😄😂

My Waifu, Here Is My Love Poem

Chapter:5

Jan 18, 2022

Our boi is a good kid😉😅

My Waifu, Here Is My Love Poem

Chapter:3

Jan 18, 2022

Intriguing 🤔🤔

Alien Kitty Cop

Chapter:1

Jan 17, 2022

I like the idea of a flamming angel causally walking down the street😅😂.

My Waifu, Here Is My Love Poem

Chapter:2

Jan 17, 2022

The bombs sound pretty deadly😅.

I really like how our boi is using his knowledge of the book😊👍.

Transmigrated Into a Noble's Beaten Son

Chapter:3

Jan 17, 2022

To:Vnator

Honestly I'm not entirely sure, there's an element of a framing issue here.
See your framing strongly implies the characters are real people from earth - And this is an issue becuase real people can fall in love at first sight but don't very often or to this extent.

I think you could more believably get away with it, if Annabelle met her on the first day - Say when they first have breakfast in the bar was when the two met and then Annabelle spent the whole rest of the day with her - That migth be a bit more reasonable for them to then want to exchange letter info.

I also think you could make it less clingy - Show the guys being considerate about the date sure but have it be that they don't need to leave till 9, so that Annabelle can say her good byes more easily.
That way you could make it clear she's reluctant to leave her date behind but not obsessed.

Those are my feelings atleast👍👍.

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:45

Jan 16, 2022

Also I hate to keep harping on about this but I know for me I'd want my reader's honesty so here goes;

So I clicked ahead a few chapters to check, and the long length thing is a real kicker😅, becuase the chapters are longer now then they were earlier - It feels depressing to think your nearly 70% through a book, only to realise it's more like 50%.

From a pacing standpoint that creates a wierd disonannce, I'm struggling to think of many works where the second 30 chapters are so dramatically longer then the first 30😅.

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It also ties back to something I've mentioned before but the structure of your book is prone to making the reader feel lost.

You do Acts but then new acts start without out enough connecting subtext-tissue.
Almost like a 5 volume light novel - Except all five volumes have been rammed together😅.

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Anywho them's my reading notes for today😊👋.

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:45

Jan 16, 2022

(For reference I'm about 2/3rd through the chapter).

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Some interesting stuff here - Not sure how I feel about Annabelle, like sure she's been alone a-while and she talked with the girl all night but she seems Very desperate - Like clingy.

I'm not gay or bi ( Then again as an A-sexual I guess I can't really comment with much authority on any relationship😅😅) so I can't really comment on how it functions as representation but ya it does come off as a bit;
"I have found the only other gay in the town, I must now f*CK with them!" (Apologies if you arnt familiar with that little britian reference) - Ya know what I mean?
Heck it's almost worse then that, more like " I have found the only gay in the Multi-Verse, I must now f*ck with them"😅😅.

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Also I think it's a shame you don't lean in slightly more on how the guys take the news.
It'd be really fun if they all went big-brotherly and started trying to investigate Annabelle's date in order to make sure their worthy of her😂.

It's something the TV show 'new tricks' does quite, where you have 3 boys and one women - With the three lads all trying to genuinely look out for her out of sincere kinship - It can be a really great way to build character and believable +/ wholesome bonds, and while you have elements of it here, it's a little lackluster.

Interesting stuff😊👍.

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:45

Jan 16, 2022

A whole year!
There be some serious arse kicking of these invaders required postwith!😂😂

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:66

Jan 16, 2022

Now that I quite like😁, the way you crept in a description of the wings and her hair is really nice and the poem is fun😊.

My Waifu, Here Is My Love Poem

Chapter:1

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aaa